Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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