So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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