i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize