The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
