he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
