Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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