That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
