That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
