My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
