I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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