i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
