fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
