She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
