Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
