I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
