Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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