Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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