She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
