I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
