Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
