He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
