He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
