So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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