wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
