I forgot how hot balto sounded
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize