i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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