Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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