This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
