I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
