I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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