You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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