Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
