Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
