At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
