I am in a vortex of obligation.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
