I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize