Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
