he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
