I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
