Soap is not a condiment
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
