pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
