Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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