somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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