I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
