Just cropdusted the office
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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