it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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