there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
