he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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