am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
