When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
