First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
