it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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