Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize