He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
well you can't waste a boner
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
