she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
you had me at cake vodka
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
