jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
