How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
