she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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