Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
