We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
