so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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