Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize